I was sitting down to snuggle with my blanket and write a little blog when a thought occured to me. I have been writting about how wonderful life is and how grateful I am to be in it. Not all is paradise however. There is a side of our lives that is probably going to be difficult no matter what we do.
It has to do with the kids dad. I spoke to him last night when he called to wish his son an early Happy Birthday since he is going to be underway for the next 10 days. I happened to mention that HIS son was misbehaving and that I have had just about all I can take. He proceeded to tell me that he wished there was more he could do. When I suggested that he visit more, he quickly ended the conversation and hung up. Typical.
He is NOT coming this holiday season. For the past two years he has come at New Year's and then Christmas. Even though it has only been twice, the kids were expecting him to be here. When I had to break the news to them, I am the one that had to pick up the pieces. OK, so picking up the pieces might be a slight fib, because actually strangely enough they were not upset for very long and have not brought it up since. He asks me every now and again how the kids are doing without seeing him and I kindly reasure him that things are fine and the kids don't seem to be too upset about it. Meanwhile the reason that the kids are not upset is because he never comes around and they are getting used to not seeing him. Nobody asks to call him anymore or even when the next visit is going to be. Victoria is getting older and his 2 minute conversations consisting of "how is school" and "what do you want for Christmas/your Birthday" are getting old. She is a great conversationalist and would talk to him for hours if he would let her. Not so much though. I think lately his conversations with all three combined have lasted not even 5 minutes. Nathaniel will watch TV and not even pay attention to him and Abigal is just as ready to hand him off to the next waiting kid.
When my parents divorced I went through the same thing... 2 visits to my dad's in Wisconsin (of all places right) and then he forgot about me. I eventually figured out that I had done nothing wrong and that he was just an idiot but it took me a long time to forgive him. I can see my 3 babies going down the same road. I don't say anything to them and they don't really talk about it, but one day one of them is going to come to me and ask why dad never comes around.
On some level I think he believes that if he buys them off that he is being a good long distance dad. He moaned and whined about not having the money to come out and see the kids but yet he bought Nathaniel an expensive gift and his budget for Christimas is 150 bucks a kid. I am pretty sure that he can fly out for that amount of money and the kids need him, not a gift.
There is a new girlfriend in the picture and don't get me wrong I am definitely not jealous. (please see previous blogs for that one!) I have a very sneaky suspicion that him wanting to spend time with her has something to do with him not coming to see the kids. Any woman that would be with a man that chooses not to visit his kids over the holiday season is not a good woman. And she wants to have babies with him!!! Good luck, lady - he is your problem now...
So here we are making plans for Christmas here and maybe a trip to the twin cities the day after. Some shopping at Mall of America perhaps? I don't need to buy my kids big, lavish gifts for them to love me - I would much rather build glorious memories that last them forever. I think that next time he asks how the kids are with not seeing him, I am going to tell him the truth. And my answer will be completely opposite of "fine".
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