reflections

As this year is winding to a close I find myself looking back and reflecting on what 2010 has brought me.  Most of you are well aware of the trials and tribulations that I have experienced throughout the past year.  There were ups and down and all arounds to spare.  Actually if we really want to fully appreciate the monumentous changes that have occurred in my life we should probably go back two years. 

As I made my trek to Texas to return home to the loving arms of my parents to not only provide me with the physical support that I was going to need to start my life over, but with a tremendously soft place to fall.  I can not ever, for the rest of my God blessed life, thank them for what they did for me.  When my heart was broken and my spirit in pieces, they were there to help me put it all back together.  Without them I don't think, no I know, I would not have been able to get out of the situation that I was in and give the kids and I the life that we all derserved.  Arriving with nothing but my possesions of a marriage failed and the promise of a better day they welcomed me with open arms.  My dad put it so simply that night that we pulled into the drive, "you did a good job, kid".  It was a long time coming and when I was finally able and ready to jump off the cliff and make it on my own it was my parents that provided the springboard needed to reach for the moon and maybe a few stars along the way.
To say it was a rough start is putting it very mildly.  I mourned the loss of my life, the only life I had planned for and for a future that was now never going to evolve.  In the midst of my darkest hour things did not get any better.  A truck taken in the middle of the night by the bank and a bankruptcy filed to try to get rid of the debt that had become too mountainous to conquer.  I was drowning.  With much, much encouragement from my mom I enrolled in school and began working graveyard at the grocery store to make ends meet.  I was able to move out into my own little rental house just a few doors down and all seemed to be looking up.  Unfortunately the house became the house from hell and I was forced to move back home.  I could feel myself sliding back down...
Just as before there was my dad, "It's time to come back home."  He is a man of little words, but when he speaks I listen.  (don't tell him that though...)  I sold pretty much everything I owned and hung my head as I moved once again back into the arms of family. 
It was almost at the exact same time that the Army called and offered me a job.  What?  Really?  What was the job?  Oh, who cares, I need the job badly.  I had quit the grocery store to concentrate on school more and it was becoming increasingly hard to make financial matters come together.  Working for the Army is good money and if I had to hand out basketballs, that is what I would do.  The job left some to be desired but as soon as I started I began applying for a new one within the Depot that I was working at. 
That brings me here.  I have been blessed with a wonderful job and a gloriously blessed life.  My kids are super (most of the time) and even when I have to get on them everyday, I know that they mean well and are seriously turning into the most amazing little people I have ever met.  Moving to Wisconsin could not have been easy on them, but they have rolled with the punches like pros.  It definitely helps that the communtiy here, both civilian and military, has done everything possible to make them feel welcome and give them everything they need. 
I now live a quaint little twindle in a tiny little town that gives me everything that I need.  I could not have asked for a better place to raise my children and as I watched them sing tonight in their school Christmas Concert I knew with every fiber in me that they are going to grow up here.  They are not going to know the hardships of city life and are going to appreciate the little things, the value of hard work and the love that only a small communtiy can provide. 
I love my job.  That's all I can say.  I love it.  How did I get so lucky to find such a great group of guys to work with and a job that I can actually appreciate and enjoy?  Let's just say I am no longer looking for another job. 
I have found someone.  He treats me the way that I should be treated.  It's crazy how you never know how good it can be until someone shows you.  I honestly didn't think that a relationship could make me this happy or that I could feel so secure that I would start to trust again.  I am still not banking on any future plans because the less I try to foresee the less likely I will be dissappointed or hurt.  I am confident though that with this guy I am going to let down all the walls and finally find myself able to give myself over completely.  He is patient with me and caters to my insecurities without judgement.  While all of this is foreign to me, it is appreciated and I am grateful to have him in my life. 
It is so surreal, I can't get my mind around how perfect everything is going.  Where is that train that usually knocks me off the tracks or that bus that is going to plow head on into me?  It is with baited breath that I on occassion wait.  Every Sunday I go to church not only to praise God, but to thank him for all the blessings that he has given my family.  I will forever be in debt to Him.  Two years ago I used to say that I was one of those people that was always going to have to struggle for everything that I needed or wanted out of life.  I had actually come to accept this as my personal cross to bear.  You see those people that good things just seem to rain down on them without any effort given.  Do I dare to say that I am one of those people now?  Blessings upon blessings have fallen on me.  I know that Victoria prays for our family and I am most certain that she must have a direct line to Our Father because looking at my life I don't think I did anything at all to deserve what He has given us. 
There is one downfall to all of this.  In order to accomplish all these greats things I had to move across the country and leave that soft place behind.  My mom assures me that everything happens for a reason and that I was meant to move up here to Wisconsin for whatever is planned for me.  I am positive now that she is right, I just wish she was here to share it with.