So the Jeep got fixed today. It was a very good feeling to get in and have a back window again. It is surprising how warm it is in there now. The guy who fixed it was absolutely wonderful We ended up having to go to where some construction was being done on post so that he could "borrow" someone's power. It was a delightful adventure and he was great company.
The kids had another great day at SAS today, tomorrow brings snow tubing which I have to admit that I am pretty jealous. They are going to have a blast and it is nice to know that my monthly fees are going to good use.
Work is good. I am very happy there and work for and with some great guys. The long hours I have been putting in this week have been completely painless. Two more days and then I am off for the weekend. Gonna spend New Year's Eve alone, but that's ok. I will warn you now that there will probably be some sappy post that I will probably write after a few glasses of wine.
The kids are still not very excited for their dad to come. I have begun forcing jubilation upon them. Today we "cleaned for daddy!" OK, so maybe it was just glorified child labor, but it got them moving. The house is tidy and the sheets are changed for him. Tomorrow will be laundry and packing for me. I let them know that we were going to be getting in the spirit of him getting here by making signs and posters. Someone said to me that maybe it is because we now have our own little life here on our own that might have something to do with them forgetting about him. Whatever it is, it's very sad. I try my best to keep him on their little minds, but if I don't bring him up they really don't talk about him.
I am a little nervous about Robert meeting Mr. Big.... I am worried that Mr. Big is going to see the timid little girl that I become when I am around the kid's dad. It's crazy because I am such a confident woman now, but when I think about seeing Robert I become scared and meek. Even after all this time I still worry about saying or doing the right thing so that he does not get mad.
5 more days and Mr. Big comes back! I am really looking forward to spending some one on one time with him without the kids. He is so good about putting up with my kids, but I know that some time with just me would be appreciated.
Well off to bed. I am going to cozy in with some hot cheetos and a good book.... :)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
school vacation
The kids are doing well this week being out of school. They are getting to go to School Age Services on post and actually are having more fun there than they would be if I had decided to take vacation. Today they went to the movies and tomorrow they are going roller-skating. They are having so much fun that while I am glad for them, I do not appreciate the cranky kids that arrive home at night. Tonight Nathaniel went to bed around 6. He was just so exhausted that when I called them all for dinner he freaked out that he had to stop playing Wii. He came screaming into the kitchen and proclaimed that he did not want to stop playing. I was on the phone with my mom and excused myself to pull an "Old Mother Hubbard" on his butt. Us girls did not have a peaceful dinner with his screams in the background. I just kept thinking about supernanny and how she says that you have to just let them throw their fit because if you respond then it is like giving them affirmation that they can get to you. Eventually after about 30 minutes of temper induced craziness, he finally fell asleep. Whew...
On the flip side the girls were great. We decided that there should be no more Wii for a while because they are fighting too much. They ate all their dinner and even had seconds with much praise for the cook. After they did crafts courtesy of Aunt Laurie and Grandma, which came out quite cute. They are really working hard at those beads... Abigail then made a litle note for her dad, "Dear Dad, I really miss you. Please come soon. Love, Abigail" Very sad and very sweet all at the same time. She also made a poster using packing paper that I saved from the move (Aunt Debbie's idea) to welcome her dad to the artic, I mean Wisconsin. I haven't looked at it, but I think I will have each kid make one. He will like that. I know it is going to be hard staying in my HOME. I capitalize those words because that is what this is. A home of my own. Anyway, I want him to be comfortable so that everyone has the best time possible.
After the break-in at the gym I have disenrolled Abigail and pulled her from the team. We are all a little sad about this. It is the end of an era, but we will find something else for her to do. I asked her about ballet and she said that it sounded like fun and that she would like to try it. The best part is there is a school that is half a block away from here so she could walk when it gets warmer. I researched the school and it seems to be pretty decent. I always wanted her to take some dance anyway so she could work on her poise on the gym floor. Maybe later she can pick up the gym thing again, but either way whatever she wants is fine.
On the flip side the girls were great. We decided that there should be no more Wii for a while because they are fighting too much. They ate all their dinner and even had seconds with much praise for the cook. After they did crafts courtesy of Aunt Laurie and Grandma, which came out quite cute. They are really working hard at those beads... Abigail then made a litle note for her dad, "Dear Dad, I really miss you. Please come soon. Love, Abigail" Very sad and very sweet all at the same time. She also made a poster using packing paper that I saved from the move (Aunt Debbie's idea) to welcome her dad to the artic, I mean Wisconsin. I haven't looked at it, but I think I will have each kid make one. He will like that. I know it is going to be hard staying in my HOME. I capitalize those words because that is what this is. A home of my own. Anyway, I want him to be comfortable so that everyone has the best time possible.
After the break-in at the gym I have disenrolled Abigail and pulled her from the team. We are all a little sad about this. It is the end of an era, but we will find something else for her to do. I asked her about ballet and she said that it sounded like fun and that she would like to try it. The best part is there is a school that is half a block away from here so she could walk when it gets warmer. I researched the school and it seems to be pretty decent. I always wanted her to take some dance anyway so she could work on her poise on the gym floor. Maybe later she can pick up the gym thing again, but either way whatever she wants is fine.
Friday, December 24, 2010
the Jeep gets violated...
I went to pick up Abigail at gymnastics and while I was inside picking her up, some moron broke into Jeep and stole my purse. Nothing of real importance was in it, but my mom bought it for me and it is my favorite one so I was a little sad. Combined with the shattered back window, I was more than a little upset. I did decide that in the grand scheme of things this is all small potatoes and everything can be replaced. The staff at the Y was so nice. They cleaned out the glass and then used cardboard and a trashbag to get me home. They did a wonderful job and I am extremely grateful for their hospitality. Unfortunately because of the holidays I will not be able to get it fixed until Monday which puts a damper on Christmas with my family in Minneapolis. Looks like we will be spending the weekend here in Sparta instead. Fortunately while I was driving home after my mishap my purse was recovered. I suppose that whoever stole it figured out quickly that there was nothing of value in it and ditched it. The police officer was super nice and again I am very grateful. It is peole like him and the staff at the gym that is the reason that I moved up here. The whole thing could have ended up so much worse, but as of now all I have to worry about it dropping the Jeep off at the shop Monday and taking care of my deductible. The way I see it, 2011 can only go up from here! :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
reflections
As this year is winding to a close I find myself looking back and reflecting on what 2010 has brought me. Most of you are well aware of the trials and tribulations that I have experienced throughout the past year. There were ups and down and all arounds to spare. Actually if we really want to fully appreciate the monumentous changes that have occurred in my life we should probably go back two years.
As I made my trek to Texas to return home to the loving arms of my parents to not only provide me with the physical support that I was going to need to start my life over, but with a tremendously soft place to fall. I can not ever, for the rest of my God blessed life, thank them for what they did for me. When my heart was broken and my spirit in pieces, they were there to help me put it all back together. Without them I don't think, no I know, I would not have been able to get out of the situation that I was in and give the kids and I the life that we all derserved. Arriving with nothing but my possesions of a marriage failed and the promise of a better day they welcomed me with open arms. My dad put it so simply that night that we pulled into the drive, "you did a good job, kid". It was a long time coming and when I was finally able and ready to jump off the cliff and make it on my own it was my parents that provided the springboard needed to reach for the moon and maybe a few stars along the way.
To say it was a rough start is putting it very mildly. I mourned the loss of my life, the only life I had planned for and for a future that was now never going to evolve. In the midst of my darkest hour things did not get any better. A truck taken in the middle of the night by the bank and a bankruptcy filed to try to get rid of the debt that had become too mountainous to conquer. I was drowning. With much, much encouragement from my mom I enrolled in school and began working graveyard at the grocery store to make ends meet. I was able to move out into my own little rental house just a few doors down and all seemed to be looking up. Unfortunately the house became the house from hell and I was forced to move back home. I could feel myself sliding back down...
Just as before there was my dad, "It's time to come back home." He is a man of little words, but when he speaks I listen. (don't tell him that though...) I sold pretty much everything I owned and hung my head as I moved once again back into the arms of family.
It was almost at the exact same time that the Army called and offered me a job. What? Really? What was the job? Oh, who cares, I need the job badly. I had quit the grocery store to concentrate on school more and it was becoming increasingly hard to make financial matters come together. Working for the Army is good money and if I had to hand out basketballs, that is what I would do. The job left some to be desired but as soon as I started I began applying for a new one within the Depot that I was working at.
That brings me here. I have been blessed with a wonderful job and a gloriously blessed life. My kids are super (most of the time) and even when I have to get on them everyday, I know that they mean well and are seriously turning into the most amazing little people I have ever met. Moving to Wisconsin could not have been easy on them, but they have rolled with the punches like pros. It definitely helps that the communtiy here, both civilian and military, has done everything possible to make them feel welcome and give them everything they need.
I now live a quaint little twindle in a tiny little town that gives me everything that I need. I could not have asked for a better place to raise my children and as I watched them sing tonight in their school Christmas Concert I knew with every fiber in me that they are going to grow up here. They are not going to know the hardships of city life and are going to appreciate the little things, the value of hard work and the love that only a small communtiy can provide.
I love my job. That's all I can say. I love it. How did I get so lucky to find such a great group of guys to work with and a job that I can actually appreciate and enjoy? Let's just say I am no longer looking for another job.
I have found someone. He treats me the way that I should be treated. It's crazy how you never know how good it can be until someone shows you. I honestly didn't think that a relationship could make me this happy or that I could feel so secure that I would start to trust again. I am still not banking on any future plans because the less I try to foresee the less likely I will be dissappointed or hurt. I am confident though that with this guy I am going to let down all the walls and finally find myself able to give myself over completely. He is patient with me and caters to my insecurities without judgement. While all of this is foreign to me, it is appreciated and I am grateful to have him in my life.
It is so surreal, I can't get my mind around how perfect everything is going. Where is that train that usually knocks me off the tracks or that bus that is going to plow head on into me? It is with baited breath that I on occassion wait. Every Sunday I go to church not only to praise God, but to thank him for all the blessings that he has given my family. I will forever be in debt to Him. Two years ago I used to say that I was one of those people that was always going to have to struggle for everything that I needed or wanted out of life. I had actually come to accept this as my personal cross to bear. You see those people that good things just seem to rain down on them without any effort given. Do I dare to say that I am one of those people now? Blessings upon blessings have fallen on me. I know that Victoria prays for our family and I am most certain that she must have a direct line to Our Father because looking at my life I don't think I did anything at all to deserve what He has given us.
There is one downfall to all of this. In order to accomplish all these greats things I had to move across the country and leave that soft place behind. My mom assures me that everything happens for a reason and that I was meant to move up here to Wisconsin for whatever is planned for me. I am positive now that she is right, I just wish she was here to share it with.
As I made my trek to Texas to return home to the loving arms of my parents to not only provide me with the physical support that I was going to need to start my life over, but with a tremendously soft place to fall. I can not ever, for the rest of my God blessed life, thank them for what they did for me. When my heart was broken and my spirit in pieces, they were there to help me put it all back together. Without them I don't think, no I know, I would not have been able to get out of the situation that I was in and give the kids and I the life that we all derserved. Arriving with nothing but my possesions of a marriage failed and the promise of a better day they welcomed me with open arms. My dad put it so simply that night that we pulled into the drive, "you did a good job, kid". It was a long time coming and when I was finally able and ready to jump off the cliff and make it on my own it was my parents that provided the springboard needed to reach for the moon and maybe a few stars along the way.
To say it was a rough start is putting it very mildly. I mourned the loss of my life, the only life I had planned for and for a future that was now never going to evolve. In the midst of my darkest hour things did not get any better. A truck taken in the middle of the night by the bank and a bankruptcy filed to try to get rid of the debt that had become too mountainous to conquer. I was drowning. With much, much encouragement from my mom I enrolled in school and began working graveyard at the grocery store to make ends meet. I was able to move out into my own little rental house just a few doors down and all seemed to be looking up. Unfortunately the house became the house from hell and I was forced to move back home. I could feel myself sliding back down...
Just as before there was my dad, "It's time to come back home." He is a man of little words, but when he speaks I listen. (don't tell him that though...) I sold pretty much everything I owned and hung my head as I moved once again back into the arms of family.
It was almost at the exact same time that the Army called and offered me a job. What? Really? What was the job? Oh, who cares, I need the job badly. I had quit the grocery store to concentrate on school more and it was becoming increasingly hard to make financial matters come together. Working for the Army is good money and if I had to hand out basketballs, that is what I would do. The job left some to be desired but as soon as I started I began applying for a new one within the Depot that I was working at.
That brings me here. I have been blessed with a wonderful job and a gloriously blessed life. My kids are super (most of the time) and even when I have to get on them everyday, I know that they mean well and are seriously turning into the most amazing little people I have ever met. Moving to Wisconsin could not have been easy on them, but they have rolled with the punches like pros. It definitely helps that the communtiy here, both civilian and military, has done everything possible to make them feel welcome and give them everything they need.
I now live a quaint little twindle in a tiny little town that gives me everything that I need. I could not have asked for a better place to raise my children and as I watched them sing tonight in their school Christmas Concert I knew with every fiber in me that they are going to grow up here. They are not going to know the hardships of city life and are going to appreciate the little things, the value of hard work and the love that only a small communtiy can provide.
I love my job. That's all I can say. I love it. How did I get so lucky to find such a great group of guys to work with and a job that I can actually appreciate and enjoy? Let's just say I am no longer looking for another job.
I have found someone. He treats me the way that I should be treated. It's crazy how you never know how good it can be until someone shows you. I honestly didn't think that a relationship could make me this happy or that I could feel so secure that I would start to trust again. I am still not banking on any future plans because the less I try to foresee the less likely I will be dissappointed or hurt. I am confident though that with this guy I am going to let down all the walls and finally find myself able to give myself over completely. He is patient with me and caters to my insecurities without judgement. While all of this is foreign to me, it is appreciated and I am grateful to have him in my life.
It is so surreal, I can't get my mind around how perfect everything is going. Where is that train that usually knocks me off the tracks or that bus that is going to plow head on into me? It is with baited breath that I on occassion wait. Every Sunday I go to church not only to praise God, but to thank him for all the blessings that he has given my family. I will forever be in debt to Him. Two years ago I used to say that I was one of those people that was always going to have to struggle for everything that I needed or wanted out of life. I had actually come to accept this as my personal cross to bear. You see those people that good things just seem to rain down on them without any effort given. Do I dare to say that I am one of those people now? Blessings upon blessings have fallen on me. I know that Victoria prays for our family and I am most certain that she must have a direct line to Our Father because looking at my life I don't think I did anything at all to deserve what He has given us.
There is one downfall to all of this. In order to accomplish all these greats things I had to move across the country and leave that soft place behind. My mom assures me that everything happens for a reason and that I was meant to move up here to Wisconsin for whatever is planned for me. I am positive now that she is right, I just wish she was here to share it with.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
a week from christmas...
OK, so it is a week from Christmas and have not finished my shopping yet. oh well, that is what God invented giftcards for! At least this year I got my Christmas cards out...
As usual I find myself getting side-tracked... I am sitting here on my bed typing with a really good beer by my side. It's called spotted cow and it is a local brew. I found it at a small wine and spirits store down the road that I have a feeling I will be frequenting often. Up here there is a lot of drinking going on and at first I was thinking that there must be a lot of drunks, but now that I am freezing I completely understand. The consumption of alcohol absolutely assists with the increase in body temperature. It's great how a cold beer can not only cool you off in the summer, but can warm you up in the winter! I also bought a bottle of sparkling moscato that the lady recommended. It is chilling and will let you know how that tastes another time. I am sure that it is going to be wonderful... just like my spotted cow!
As usual I find myself getting side-tracked... I am sitting here on my bed typing with a really good beer by my side. It's called spotted cow and it is a local brew. I found it at a small wine and spirits store down the road that I have a feeling I will be frequenting often. Up here there is a lot of drinking going on and at first I was thinking that there must be a lot of drunks, but now that I am freezing I completely understand. The consumption of alcohol absolutely assists with the increase in body temperature. It's great how a cold beer can not only cool you off in the summer, but can warm you up in the winter! I also bought a bottle of sparkling moscato that the lady recommended. It is chilling and will let you know how that tastes another time. I am sure that it is going to be wonderful... just like my spotted cow!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
i hate PMS
Why does PMS have to be so horrible? I find myself on the emotional roller coaster racing at high speed headed straight for the portion of tracks that are not complete. This past weekend I was up, then I was down, I think i even went sideways, backward and for a loop-d-loop! My poor man...
Yes, I understand that it can at times be hard to live with a woman, especially at that special time of the month. Let me just recap so you can get a clear picture of what it's like for me and how in the end it all works out.
Friday: We drove out to La Crosse to take Abigail to gymnastics and hit the grocery store. I have to admit I was already stressed out. I had to rush out of work, grab the kids, drive home because Abigail didn't have a leotard (this is where I picked up Mr. Big), run over to the pampered chef lady's house to pick up my new can opener (which by the way is not the same as the one I bought originally but gave to my mom) and then zoom off to gymnastics. *whew* I am getting dizzy just thinking about it. So we drop her off and head off to the store only to run into massive traffic. We get to the store and I think they must have been going out of business because everyone in all of Wisconsin was there. So then I was late getting back to pick up Abigail. Oh but wait! I forgot that I needed gas and now Mr. Big is driving and for some reason beyond me, he wants to go a different way and now I can't take it anymore. I am snippy and sarcastic. We get gas and as we are driving to the gym I make a few more comments and now when we get there I am the one driving. Open mouth, insert foot. The whole time though he kept his cool very well. On the way back we stop and pick up the pizza that I had preordered from the car and I finally start to untwist my panties. Ugh, I hate being like this, but I swear that when it is that time, I can't help it! It takes a small miracle to get me out of my fit, but on that note, he is really good at being patient with me. Later that night I asked him if he was ok with how I acted and he said it was nothing that he couldn't handle. I said great, because that was probably as bad as I get and if you can handle that, then you can handle anything. <3
Saturday: Nothing really crazy happened but I was still more than a little off.... I will call this the up day of the ride.
Sunday: Now we head for the downslide and boy is it one! Long story short, (seriously, this is really condensed)... I had too much liquid courage and ended up crying and telling him that I am afraid that I am going to lose him. Residual effects from my crappy marriage... You know what he says? He says that there is no way he is going anywhere. Really? After how I acted this weekend? The moring after I was so emabarrassed, but I knew I needed to talk to him about it with clear eyes. He tells me that he thought that whole episode was sweet and cute because it shows I really care. ???? I think he is a little nuts himself. I can see his point though, if I care enough to be worried to tears, I guess that might be considered sweet. Whatever though, I am not going to argue with him. <3
The point though is that PMS sucks. It makes me act crazy and brings out the retarded side of me. We have successfully survived a full blown attack and our relationship is still standing. In fact, I would say it is actually even better than it was before.
Yes, I understand that it can at times be hard to live with a woman, especially at that special time of the month. Let me just recap so you can get a clear picture of what it's like for me and how in the end it all works out.
Friday: We drove out to La Crosse to take Abigail to gymnastics and hit the grocery store. I have to admit I was already stressed out. I had to rush out of work, grab the kids, drive home because Abigail didn't have a leotard (this is where I picked up Mr. Big), run over to the pampered chef lady's house to pick up my new can opener (which by the way is not the same as the one I bought originally but gave to my mom) and then zoom off to gymnastics. *whew* I am getting dizzy just thinking about it. So we drop her off and head off to the store only to run into massive traffic. We get to the store and I think they must have been going out of business because everyone in all of Wisconsin was there. So then I was late getting back to pick up Abigail. Oh but wait! I forgot that I needed gas and now Mr. Big is driving and for some reason beyond me, he wants to go a different way and now I can't take it anymore. I am snippy and sarcastic. We get gas and as we are driving to the gym I make a few more comments and now when we get there I am the one driving. Open mouth, insert foot. The whole time though he kept his cool very well. On the way back we stop and pick up the pizza that I had preordered from the car and I finally start to untwist my panties. Ugh, I hate being like this, but I swear that when it is that time, I can't help it! It takes a small miracle to get me out of my fit, but on that note, he is really good at being patient with me. Later that night I asked him if he was ok with how I acted and he said it was nothing that he couldn't handle. I said great, because that was probably as bad as I get and if you can handle that, then you can handle anything. <3
Saturday: Nothing really crazy happened but I was still more than a little off.... I will call this the up day of the ride.
Sunday: Now we head for the downslide and boy is it one! Long story short, (seriously, this is really condensed)... I had too much liquid courage and ended up crying and telling him that I am afraid that I am going to lose him. Residual effects from my crappy marriage... You know what he says? He says that there is no way he is going anywhere. Really? After how I acted this weekend? The moring after I was so emabarrassed, but I knew I needed to talk to him about it with clear eyes. He tells me that he thought that whole episode was sweet and cute because it shows I really care. ???? I think he is a little nuts himself. I can see his point though, if I care enough to be worried to tears, I guess that might be considered sweet. Whatever though, I am not going to argue with him. <3
The point though is that PMS sucks. It makes me act crazy and brings out the retarded side of me. We have successfully survived a full blown attack and our relationship is still standing. In fact, I would say it is actually even better than it was before.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I finally drew that *&@# line!!!
Tonight was a good night. It was also a night of doors closing for good. The kids dad called twice tonight to talk about visitation at Christmas. I don't even want to get into it, but let's just say he persuaded the kids to come at spring break to SD with the small mention of Disneyland, made Victoria cry and finally admitted that he had plans for New Years Eve and didn't want to change them. I wonder if he is proposing??? Who cares!
After tonight listening to his excuses and dealing with his BS is over. Somebody stick a fork in me, I'm done! I am not going to concern myself with him any longer. No way, No how...
I have the most amazing life and have been blessed 10 times over. There is absolutely no reason that I should let him affect me. I have the most amazing man i could ever have asked for and why on God's green earth would I mess that up with the drama that was???
I am going to focus on what I have and what is here. No longer will you find me yelling at the kids dad or venting frustration because he is letting the kids down again. They are getting older and will soon figure out what kind of man their father is. I am tired of getting upset and guilting him into doing right by his kids. Not this chica, not gonna do it. I have drawn the line in the sand and am not going to cross it.
I am home. I am where I belong and finally I am getting to a place emotionally that I am completely secure. The jerkface is not going to ruin that for me, I won't let him. As far as the kids go, I am going to step out of that one. If he wants to come, he can. If he does not, then so be it. It's is not my responsibility to make sure he is a good father. DONE, I TELL YOU, D-O-N-E-DONE!!!
OK, so now that I got that out I feel even better about my decision then I did before.
Life only gets better from here, baby girl. :)
After tonight listening to his excuses and dealing with his BS is over. Somebody stick a fork in me, I'm done! I am not going to concern myself with him any longer. No way, No how...
I have the most amazing life and have been blessed 10 times over. There is absolutely no reason that I should let him affect me. I have the most amazing man i could ever have asked for and why on God's green earth would I mess that up with the drama that was???
I am going to focus on what I have and what is here. No longer will you find me yelling at the kids dad or venting frustration because he is letting the kids down again. They are getting older and will soon figure out what kind of man their father is. I am tired of getting upset and guilting him into doing right by his kids. Not this chica, not gonna do it. I have drawn the line in the sand and am not going to cross it.
I am home. I am where I belong and finally I am getting to a place emotionally that I am completely secure. The jerkface is not going to ruin that for me, I won't let him. As far as the kids go, I am going to step out of that one. If he wants to come, he can. If he does not, then so be it. It's is not my responsibility to make sure he is a good father. DONE, I TELL YOU, D-O-N-E-DONE!!!
OK, so now that I got that out I feel even better about my decision then I did before.
Life only gets better from here, baby girl. :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
it's quiet in here...
OK, so I have no idea why I titled this post what I did. I mean it is quiet in here, but really how much can you talk about that?
I just finished watching the latest episode of "Fringe" on Hulu.com. Has everyone else discovered this website? I really like it. Forget paying for cable or satelite with a DVR, just watch it online. Anyway so now I am listening to classic Christmas music on Pandora.com. I like that site too because it reminds me of Sirius radio. Limited commercials and you can listen to just a certain genre. Like I am right now with the holiday stuff. Geez, I sound like a darn commercial. Does anyone know an agent because apparantly I am great at marketing.
Now that's cheating. Frank Sinatra singing "Have yourself a merry little Christmas"... here come the waterworks. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Oh well...
Christmas is almost here and with the tree up and the kids playing in snow, the feeling becomes surreal. A real Christmas with real snow. Complete with a trip to Macy's on State Street downtown Chicago to see Santa and tell him all our secret wishes for that special morning. A memorable look at the animated windows with eyes wide with amazement and awe at the story they tell. "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" Lunch at the infamous Walnut Room at a table with a view of the magnificently decorated tree in the middle. Is it a dream? Not so much, you can open your eyes... this life is yours. This life is OURS.
Whew! Frank finally stopped singing! Now it's Perry Como singing Rudolph. Completely different feeling to it thankfully. We bought snowpants today. Never ever thought I was going to need those! Oh and more long underwear called "cuddle duds" for me. Great stuff those cuddle duds. Anyway now the kids can play in the snow pile that the plow made on the blacktop. All we need now is sleds and skis. I am sure with more winters to come that those will all be purchased.
Well that is where I am now. All is cheery and festive on the homefront. I am just praying (and all of you should join in) that I survive the cold. Dang this music is addictive! It's the Nutcraker Suite now and I think I am going to get up and do a little sugar plum fairy dance. I am going to twirl around my bedroom and try not to run into anything because we all know that when grown ups try to twirl they run into things. Maybe I should just stay seated? I am thinking so... Gosh darn it, it's over, now my chance has passed. Oh, poo...
Well I am feeling that I might be a little loopy from lack of sleep. The trip to Chicago this past weekend (pics on facebook) really took it out of me. A wonderful time was had by all and I can't wait to build more "Midwest Memories" with the kids. As long as I am wearing my cuddle duds of course....
I just finished watching the latest episode of "Fringe" on Hulu.com. Has everyone else discovered this website? I really like it. Forget paying for cable or satelite with a DVR, just watch it online. Anyway so now I am listening to classic Christmas music on Pandora.com. I like that site too because it reminds me of Sirius radio. Limited commercials and you can listen to just a certain genre. Like I am right now with the holiday stuff. Geez, I sound like a darn commercial. Does anyone know an agent because apparantly I am great at marketing.
Now that's cheating. Frank Sinatra singing "Have yourself a merry little Christmas"... here come the waterworks. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Oh well...
Christmas is almost here and with the tree up and the kids playing in snow, the feeling becomes surreal. A real Christmas with real snow. Complete with a trip to Macy's on State Street downtown Chicago to see Santa and tell him all our secret wishes for that special morning. A memorable look at the animated windows with eyes wide with amazement and awe at the story they tell. "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" Lunch at the infamous Walnut Room at a table with a view of the magnificently decorated tree in the middle. Is it a dream? Not so much, you can open your eyes... this life is yours. This life is OURS.
Whew! Frank finally stopped singing! Now it's Perry Como singing Rudolph. Completely different feeling to it thankfully. We bought snowpants today. Never ever thought I was going to need those! Oh and more long underwear called "cuddle duds" for me. Great stuff those cuddle duds. Anyway now the kids can play in the snow pile that the plow made on the blacktop. All we need now is sleds and skis. I am sure with more winters to come that those will all be purchased.
Well that is where I am now. All is cheery and festive on the homefront. I am just praying (and all of you should join in) that I survive the cold. Dang this music is addictive! It's the Nutcraker Suite now and I think I am going to get up and do a little sugar plum fairy dance. I am going to twirl around my bedroom and try not to run into anything because we all know that when grown ups try to twirl they run into things. Maybe I should just stay seated? I am thinking so... Gosh darn it, it's over, now my chance has passed. Oh, poo...
Well I am feeling that I might be a little loopy from lack of sleep. The trip to Chicago this past weekend (pics on facebook) really took it out of me. A wonderful time was had by all and I can't wait to build more "Midwest Memories" with the kids. As long as I am wearing my cuddle duds of course....
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
not everything is perfect...
I was sitting down to snuggle with my blanket and write a little blog when a thought occured to me. I have been writting about how wonderful life is and how grateful I am to be in it. Not all is paradise however. There is a side of our lives that is probably going to be difficult no matter what we do.
It has to do with the kids dad. I spoke to him last night when he called to wish his son an early Happy Birthday since he is going to be underway for the next 10 days. I happened to mention that HIS son was misbehaving and that I have had just about all I can take. He proceeded to tell me that he wished there was more he could do. When I suggested that he visit more, he quickly ended the conversation and hung up. Typical.
He is NOT coming this holiday season. For the past two years he has come at New Year's and then Christmas. Even though it has only been twice, the kids were expecting him to be here. When I had to break the news to them, I am the one that had to pick up the pieces. OK, so picking up the pieces might be a slight fib, because actually strangely enough they were not upset for very long and have not brought it up since. He asks me every now and again how the kids are doing without seeing him and I kindly reasure him that things are fine and the kids don't seem to be too upset about it. Meanwhile the reason that the kids are not upset is because he never comes around and they are getting used to not seeing him. Nobody asks to call him anymore or even when the next visit is going to be. Victoria is getting older and his 2 minute conversations consisting of "how is school" and "what do you want for Christmas/your Birthday" are getting old. She is a great conversationalist and would talk to him for hours if he would let her. Not so much though. I think lately his conversations with all three combined have lasted not even 5 minutes. Nathaniel will watch TV and not even pay attention to him and Abigal is just as ready to hand him off to the next waiting kid.
When my parents divorced I went through the same thing... 2 visits to my dad's in Wisconsin (of all places right) and then he forgot about me. I eventually figured out that I had done nothing wrong and that he was just an idiot but it took me a long time to forgive him. I can see my 3 babies going down the same road. I don't say anything to them and they don't really talk about it, but one day one of them is going to come to me and ask why dad never comes around.
On some level I think he believes that if he buys them off that he is being a good long distance dad. He moaned and whined about not having the money to come out and see the kids but yet he bought Nathaniel an expensive gift and his budget for Christimas is 150 bucks a kid. I am pretty sure that he can fly out for that amount of money and the kids need him, not a gift.
There is a new girlfriend in the picture and don't get me wrong I am definitely not jealous. (please see previous blogs for that one!) I have a very sneaky suspicion that him wanting to spend time with her has something to do with him not coming to see the kids. Any woman that would be with a man that chooses not to visit his kids over the holiday season is not a good woman. And she wants to have babies with him!!! Good luck, lady - he is your problem now...
So here we are making plans for Christmas here and maybe a trip to the twin cities the day after. Some shopping at Mall of America perhaps? I don't need to buy my kids big, lavish gifts for them to love me - I would much rather build glorious memories that last them forever. I think that next time he asks how the kids are with not seeing him, I am going to tell him the truth. And my answer will be completely opposite of "fine".
It has to do with the kids dad. I spoke to him last night when he called to wish his son an early Happy Birthday since he is going to be underway for the next 10 days. I happened to mention that HIS son was misbehaving and that I have had just about all I can take. He proceeded to tell me that he wished there was more he could do. When I suggested that he visit more, he quickly ended the conversation and hung up. Typical.
He is NOT coming this holiday season. For the past two years he has come at New Year's and then Christmas. Even though it has only been twice, the kids were expecting him to be here. When I had to break the news to them, I am the one that had to pick up the pieces. OK, so picking up the pieces might be a slight fib, because actually strangely enough they were not upset for very long and have not brought it up since. He asks me every now and again how the kids are doing without seeing him and I kindly reasure him that things are fine and the kids don't seem to be too upset about it. Meanwhile the reason that the kids are not upset is because he never comes around and they are getting used to not seeing him. Nobody asks to call him anymore or even when the next visit is going to be. Victoria is getting older and his 2 minute conversations consisting of "how is school" and "what do you want for Christmas/your Birthday" are getting old. She is a great conversationalist and would talk to him for hours if he would let her. Not so much though. I think lately his conversations with all three combined have lasted not even 5 minutes. Nathaniel will watch TV and not even pay attention to him and Abigal is just as ready to hand him off to the next waiting kid.
When my parents divorced I went through the same thing... 2 visits to my dad's in Wisconsin (of all places right) and then he forgot about me. I eventually figured out that I had done nothing wrong and that he was just an idiot but it took me a long time to forgive him. I can see my 3 babies going down the same road. I don't say anything to them and they don't really talk about it, but one day one of them is going to come to me and ask why dad never comes around.
On some level I think he believes that if he buys them off that he is being a good long distance dad. He moaned and whined about not having the money to come out and see the kids but yet he bought Nathaniel an expensive gift and his budget for Christimas is 150 bucks a kid. I am pretty sure that he can fly out for that amount of money and the kids need him, not a gift.
There is a new girlfriend in the picture and don't get me wrong I am definitely not jealous. (please see previous blogs for that one!) I have a very sneaky suspicion that him wanting to spend time with her has something to do with him not coming to see the kids. Any woman that would be with a man that chooses not to visit his kids over the holiday season is not a good woman. And she wants to have babies with him!!! Good luck, lady - he is your problem now...
So here we are making plans for Christmas here and maybe a trip to the twin cities the day after. Some shopping at Mall of America perhaps? I don't need to buy my kids big, lavish gifts for them to love me - I would much rather build glorious memories that last them forever. I think that next time he asks how the kids are with not seeing him, I am going to tell him the truth. And my answer will be completely opposite of "fine".
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