getting just us back

So the other night "she" called again... 3 times.  And a text message.  I finally put my foot down and told him that it was time to block her.  While we worry about her blowing up and going slightly more insane than she already is, it is nice to know that she can call anymore.  Peace of mind is a good thing.  I am sure that we will run into her in Philly, but that's ok.  She is just going to look like a fool while I laugh at her.  It's so nice to think of her sitting at home trying to call and not getting through.  I am sure that she will try to call from another phone and then there will be a nasty message, but again let her.  I will just sit back with my Mr. Big and laugh at how stupid she is.

Today was a long day at work...  it seemed to drag on and on and I honestly thought that it was never going to end.  There were even a few moments of sadness that required quiet time outside.  It has just been so dreary outside that it is hard to to become gray like the clouds.  That was today.

Tonight was magical.  I came home and cooked dinner while Victoria helped Abigail with her homework.  Nathaniel didn't get into anything and there was minimal complaining by all.  We sat down together and enjoyed our meal and each other's company.  As we began shower routine, Nathaniel came up to me and asked if we could dance.  I suggested that we should put Pandora on the computer because absolutely I would love to dance with him.  We slow danced around the living room to Michael Buble's rendition of Dream a Little Dream.  He has become quite the little dancer and has learned a few new moves so that we did not just sway and twirl over and over again.  It was absolute heaven.  By the third song, the girls were in the living room taking pictures and asking to join in.  We all had a turn with everyone and smiles reached from ear to ear.  Sometimes it is nice to slow down and enjoy the small things in life.  These moments with my babies are fleeting, not to mention few and far between.  In the hustle bustle of life I forget to slow down if even to just breathe.  My hope is that when they grow up the will look back and, yes, say Mom was strict, but remember how we used to dance in the living room, read stories and laugh till we cried.  We should have more moments like that, their childhood is only once.  Not only will they grow up but they will go away...  Right now it seems so difficult doing things on my own, I feel out numbered ALL the time.  Some days, most days, I feel like all I do is yell.

Nights like tonight remind that even though I will probably lose all my hair and perhaps even be committed a few times, the little people in my life are special.  They are all mine to hold, kiss, love....

what happens when the high ends?

I know, I know...  I already posted today.  I was going back through my blogs, more specifically the hidden ones and the first ones I talked about Mr. Big.  I find it ironic that one of the things I found attractive about him was that he did not have any crazy exes.  OH but he does...   She will never know it, but I think about her all the time.  It does not help that she calls every few days and texts him along with trying to reach out to him on Facebook.  I know I should not let her affect me like this, but it is getting increasingly hard to keep my cool.  I want to be strong and secure, but the weak and self-conscious little girl in me will not be ignored.  She is screaming to be let out to cry and beg for this to all stop.  I know that he is not going to leave me for her, don't get me wrong in that aspect.  I'm just tired.  Tired of seeing the phone go off and it's her, tired of him lying when I ask if she called and he tells me no, tired of how this is affecting everyone.  I know he isn't talking to her and that he tries to hide her contacting him because he knows it upsets me.  The simple fact remains that WE are having to change our lives and behavior because of this stupid, stupid girl.  Why won't she go away???!!!  I would love to pick up the phone and let my sweet southern draw tell her "Bless your heart, Hun"  Part of me wants to message her and tell her to cease and desist.  It has gotten to the point that her young daughter is trying to reach out to me as well.  She left me a message on Mr. Big's phone and also poked me on Facebook.  Doesn't this crazy heifer see that she is affecting everyone around her?  I don't want this wench to get her way, but the longer it goes on, the more I have to hold in and then inevitably the crazier I become.  When we go home for the wedding, I know she is going to show up.  She has become desperate and desperate women are unpredictable.  Unpredictable people are dangerous, let's just hope she isn't PMSing along with it.  Here is my perfect little universe being disrupted by some dumb hooker butt all the way in Philly.  I hate that this bothers me at all and then I hate that I am thinking about it so much that I am actually putting it in my blog.  Part of me is afraid that Mr. Big will find this and freak out.  But then if he finds this maybe it is for the better because up till now I have not been able to say exactly how much this gets to me.  I have been trying to be the cool and calm girlfriend while all the time inside I want to scream out.  I suppose if he did get upset with me then maybe that is for the best too.  I would like to think that he values our relationship enough to take care of business and  make sure she can't ever bother us again.  OK, so that just sounded like he should take a hit out on her.  Let me just say right now, I in no way wish her any harm.  Now, that being stated, if she shows up anywhere we are while we are in Philly and my hand should accidentally high five her face, that is a totally different thing.  So if anyone out there should stumble upon this post, advice would be good.  Prayers too, lots of them.

Easter and stuff...

Easter Sunday was lovely.  We spent the day together as a family and had a delicious dinner!  I made collard greens, which I have never made before...  they came out pretty good, but I think I could make them better next time.  There were sweet orange carrots, potato bacon torte and of course HAM!!!  This was our first holiday spent with Mr. Big so that made it so much more special.  Although I missed my family tremendously, it was an altogether nice day.  The girls got bikes from the Sparta New and Used store and I have to say they were such great sports about not getting new ones.  They were very excited and when I told them not to expect anything Easter morning, they were perfectly OK with it.  They have both grown beyond the idea that a big white rabbit comes hopping along and deliver Easter baskets.  Nathaniel on the other hand, still believes so his bike was delivered appropriately.  I planted it on the back deck and when we left for Mass he saw it.  He was so excited!  There he was in his 3 piece suit begging me to ride it.  They spent pretty much the rest of the day outside while I cooked. 

It is only 10 more days until I go home with Mr. Big for his brother's wedding!  I am so excited to take this trip with him, but very nervous at the same time.  I didn't meet the donor's family until after we were married so it wasn't a big deal at all.  I am sure that all will be fine and I will survive the weekend.  We will be going to a Phillies game Friday night, his godson's first communion Saturday morning, the wedding Saturday afternoon/evening and then Sunday is Mother's Day.  We get in late Thursday night and leave out Sunday night so it will make for a packed couple of days.  I really am delighted to be able to see where he is from.  Just another peek into my wonderful man's world.

I will drive about 4 hours to meet the kid's Aunt Laurie so she can take them for the time that I am gone.  I can't thank her enough for helping me out.  I know the kid's are excited to spend time with her too!!!

Well Monday is pretty much done...  hopefully the rest of the week goes by this quickly.

i thought it was supposed to be spring!

I could have sworn the April is supposed to be the beginning of Spring!  Not so much here...  We got a snow storm this weekend that dumped about 6 inches of snow.  Then because it was in the low 30's it was super wet.  Slush, slush everywhere!  A lot of it has melted now but it definitely makes for wet and yucky days. 
The kids are all doing good, but I have to specifically talk about Victoria.  A couple of days ago she came to me and told me that she had something to tell me but she didn't want to.  My interest peaked I stopped all that I was doing and asked her what it was.  She then proceeds to tell me that she now has a boyfriend!  What happened to my little baby girl???  The boy's name is Dalton and from his picture he looks to be like an OK kid.  I asked her if they are doing anything like holding hands and she immediately replied "MOM!  NO!"  She told me that they have a lot of conversation and laugh all the time.  She thinks that being able to laugh with the person that you are with is very important.  I told her that it most certainly is.  I would like to think that she is learning that from me and Mr. Big since her dad and I didn't do much of that.  So anyway after this conversation I took her to get new kicks.  Next thing you know the shoe salesman is telling me that she is a size 6 in womans!!!  Seriously?  Where did my baby go???!!!  She is growing up so fast and next month she will be 10.  The beginning of double digits...  All I can do is hope that she grows into a respectable and contributing young person.  I wish nothing but happiness for her and as long as she has that, I think that I might have done what I was supposed to.  Everyday I just hope that I make all the right decisions to give her the tools she needs to succeed in life.