As much as I would like for these last days to last forever, they seem to be flying by. If I could stop time I would. Today I spent most of the day running errands in preparation for him to leave. Preparing to say goodbye. How am I supposed to plan a going away function for someone that I don't want to go away? I guess at work they figure that since we are dating that I would want to. Well guess what, not really. It has been way too much work and the "good idea fairies" are running amock causing more work than it needs to be. Wouldn't it be great if we did this and wouldn't it be great if we did that... hey, Vanessa why don't you see if you can make that happen by Monday. Uffda.
On the emotional side, I am doing okay today. A lot better than I have been anyway. When he got home from work today I realized that I still get butterflies in my stomach. When I see him walking up or even just his car coming down the street towards the house, I can't help but smile. My man is home. He really is amazing... He even ate the dinner I cooked which consisted of leftovers thrown into a pot and then plopped on plate. The kids loved it and it really wasn't that bad, but just the fact that he didn't hesitate to grab a bowl and serve himself was nice. He does it because he loves me. I know he love me every day that we are together. It's the small moments like when he came around the corner outside our building and he had a granola bar for me. I know it seems silly, but he knows I like them and those are the things that mean the most. Even right now as I type this in my bedroom, he is in the other room spending time with the kids and making sure that they are doing what they are supposed to. So maybe now I am a little more emotional than I was when I first sat down, but it's because he really is the most wonderful man.
He is driving me crazy with this Monday event though. He has been so nosey, I told my boss that he has been in and out of my office more these past two days then he has the whole time I have been there. I finally had to close my door to keep him out and then he STILL came in one more time. He says he is not being nosey but I know better. He is looking for some random clues. He already managed to figure out that we are doing something (courtesy of our garrison commander) but he does not know everything. Well hopefully with all the planning that I am getting sucked into doing, all goes well. But just like my one pot dinner, I know that no matter how things turn out - He will love it, because he love me.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
a week away
Today marks one week left with the most amazing man that I have ever had the pleasure of being with. He has truly made my life complete and now it is time to say goodbye. Over the course of our relationship we have had our ups and downs, but no matter what life throws our way we have been able to handle it together and come out the other side stronger and even more in love. He is not only my lover but he is my best friend. We have laughed together, cried together, celebrated together and of course partied together! He knows how to bring me out of my funks when I am acting stupid. Even the day to day stresses are lightened by his antics. I can't tell you how many times I have been pantsed!
There was a time that I thought that I would never find someone that made me feel complete. As far as I was concerned my son was going to be the only man in my life. My three kids were all I needed and no man was going to live up to my standards so why even try. Sure, I went out on dates, but no matter how successful or how cute they were, I wanted nothing to do with them. I had been burned too bad by my marriage to even think about entering into another relationship. Then he came along. Here I was minding my own business trying to make in on my own in the cold of Wisconsin and along comes this random guy that perhaps I could be interested in. When we first started talking I knew we were going to be great friends. I was even willing to forgive him for being an Eagles AND a Phillies fan. It wasn't until the first date that I knew this one was going to be different. For starter's I actually wanted to see him again and that had not happened in years. The rest is history... Our history.
Then there is our future -
What does the future bring? I have no clue. He is leaving not because he wants to, but because he has to. That is the life of an Army Officer. I knew this going to happen and I should have been more prepared for it. I don't know if you really can though. Now the question is what to do next. I want to stay with him, but circumstances are keeping me here. I don't know when I will be able to follow him or if I will even be able to at all. I know he wants me there and he is always telling me that it is going to be alright and that the separation is not going to be very long, but I am a realist and I know better. Okay so maybe it is the scared little girl in me that is preparing for the worst to prevent the pain from being completely unbearable. I want nothing more than to be with him.
For now I am just trying to enjoy this last bit of time that I have with him and make sure that every moment counts. This time next week I will be by myself again.
There was a time that I thought that I would never find someone that made me feel complete. As far as I was concerned my son was going to be the only man in my life. My three kids were all I needed and no man was going to live up to my standards so why even try. Sure, I went out on dates, but no matter how successful or how cute they were, I wanted nothing to do with them. I had been burned too bad by my marriage to even think about entering into another relationship. Then he came along. Here I was minding my own business trying to make in on my own in the cold of Wisconsin and along comes this random guy that perhaps I could be interested in. When we first started talking I knew we were going to be great friends. I was even willing to forgive him for being an Eagles AND a Phillies fan. It wasn't until the first date that I knew this one was going to be different. For starter's I actually wanted to see him again and that had not happened in years. The rest is history... Our history.
Then there is our future -
What does the future bring? I have no clue. He is leaving not because he wants to, but because he has to. That is the life of an Army Officer. I knew this going to happen and I should have been more prepared for it. I don't know if you really can though. Now the question is what to do next. I want to stay with him, but circumstances are keeping me here. I don't know when I will be able to follow him or if I will even be able to at all. I know he wants me there and he is always telling me that it is going to be alright and that the separation is not going to be very long, but I am a realist and I know better. Okay so maybe it is the scared little girl in me that is preparing for the worst to prevent the pain from being completely unbearable. I want nothing more than to be with him.
For now I am just trying to enjoy this last bit of time that I have with him and make sure that every moment counts. This time next week I will be by myself again.
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